When this marriage fiasco is all over and done, you're going to move into the mountains and become a nun. There will be no men there at the convents, it will be quiet and you'll never hear the words, 'I AM AWESOME' ever again.
And when you are teaching little children in Sunday School, you will not say hell is a fiery pit where you are constantly poked by a dickhead wielding a giant fork, you will teach them that hell is being married to a man like Gilbert Beilschmidt.
You will save many lives this way.
Okay, it was kind of an exaggeration to say being married to Gilbert was hell, but he was trying his best to make it so. You were pretty much used to his annoying antics but they all just seemed horribly increased, his yells seemed louder, his commands seemed harsher. Maybe it was the hangover still haunting your mind, you assumed.
After minutes of endlessly badgering a man who obviously didn't know one thing about your marriage last night, you finally piped up for the first time in hours. "Gil! Shut the hell up!" You yelled.
Gilbert looked at you in suprise, and the man he was performing a questionare on took the opportunity to run off with his tail between his legs. "Did you just tell the awesome me to shut up?" He asked, confused.
You glared at him, summoning all your anger into this one scalding stare. You swear you could see him shrinking a little bit. "Yes, I did tell you to shut up, why don't you take my advice?" You comtemplated whether or not to add a 'da' at the end of that sentence, it surely would freak him out, but you left it as it was.
"B-but we need to find the man who married us." He defended in a small voice, it was unlike Gilbert to be this quiet, you found that you preferred it, but also hated hearing him not be confident as usual. "To see if he's a real pastor or not."
You ended the glare and sighed, just wanting to be somewhere other than Vegas at the moment. To be specific, you wanted to somewhere other than the hotel lobby, harassing the employees to ask if they saw anything. "He was, just look at the pictures you put up," you brought out your phone and flipped to the pictures an unknown person took that night, "he's obviously a licensed pastor, reverend person." You showed him the picture, he shuffled closer to see.
As Gilbert examined your phone, you noticed your bodies were close together, and his was so warm through his clothes, his face just a breathe away. You could easily lean up and have your lips on his, have him push you against the wall and run his hand down your thighs. A small heat in your core flickered on, and your mentally cursed yourself for being turned on so easily, and especially by thoughts of Gilbert.
"You're right," Gil said, leaning away and tearing you away from your thoughts.
You weren't really all panicked about this anymore, you had gotten over the thought of being married to Gil hours ago, and had mentally pep-talked yourself into seeing the bright side of things. While your family did not believe in divorce, you could still be seperated from Gil, and he can sign the divorce papers and figuratively be divorced from you.
The only remotely bad thought that haunted you was Gil's little brother, Ludwig.
Ludwig was the one who hired you and let you stay in their home to keep a closer eye on Gil. He was the one who let you off the hook for paying rent and gave you coffee in the morning. He was your friend, and as Gilbert assumed, crush.
"Who took the pictures though?" Gilbert wondered out loud, something you had been wondering yourself.
"Oh hey," someone intervened randomely, he was quite chubby with a camera hanging around his neck by a fancy looking strap, "I know you two!" The man smiled and nodded his head, taking Gil's hand in his own and shaking it vigourously.
"You do?" You asked as he took your own hand in his sweaty mitts and vibrated your arm quickly.
"Yeah!" A smile graced his pillowy and red flushed cheeks, "I was at your wedding last night!"
Your heart almost stopped at his words just then. And by the look on Gilbert's face, he had the same problem. "Our wedding?" You spat out, just about shaking from the memory as images flashed back. You had tried to remember the event, but nothing came to your mind. Now most of it was flooding back to you in a turrent. "Why were you at our wedding?"
You could remember the Pastor's deep voice booming in your unhearing ears. You could remember how cold you were, and how Gilbert gave you his jacket. You could remember the kiss and the drunken cheers from onlookers. It was all blurry and messed up, but you could remember.
"It was an open wedding," the man informed, pulling at the ends of his Hawaiian print shirt. Why the hell was he even wearing that? This isn't Hawaii, it is Nevada! "random people could come in and watch you two get married."
Gilbert sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "I always imagined my wedding to be more awesome and less... tacky."
You glared at him again, "You imagined your own wedding? I find that hard to believe!"
He returned the glare, "The awesome me does have a heart, you know! I would like to get married and have 9 kinder one day, just not now!"
"9 children?" You asked, surprised, the glare gone. "You want 9 kids?"
Gil crossed his arms, "I like kinder, and I want a lot of boys to take over the throne when I'm gone."
"The throne? You mean the toilet?" Asked you sarcastically.
"Very funny, (Name)." He rolled his red eyes, "I just love your awesome sarcasm."
"Did you just use sarcasm in a sentence about sarcasm?"
"Yes I did! And I'm going to teach my 9 children how to do that, as well!"
You pulled at the ends of your hair in annoyance, groaning at his irritating stupidity. "You don't need to teach that stuff! It's natural!" The chubby man in the Hawaiin print shirt had backed away slowly moments ago, now it was just the two of you arguing in a hotel lobby, attracting the looks of many confused people.
"If I had kids with you it would be, because you're so sarcastic!" He yelled.
You raised an eyebrow, "Great comeback, Gil! That was gold. Did you think of it yourself?" Suddenly, it dawned on you that he said 'if I had kids with you'... that means he's thought of what it would be like to have children with you. The sarcastic and irritated mood disappeared, replaced with an odd giddyness that you wished would stop.
Gilbert gave you a confused look, "Why are you all smiley?"
You forced a frown on your face that didn't go with the butterflies on crack floating around in your stomach. "I-I just thought of a funny joke. Let's go," You grabbed his arm and pulled him from the lobby, "let's just get it over with."
"Get what over with?" He asked in confusion, a feeling he was now entirely used to.
"Telling everyone what happened."